Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
