My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
