I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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