Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She needs sedatives and a leash
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
