I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
