so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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