So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
