Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
