The maid of honor just puked.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
