So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
