saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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