..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Don't make out with my wife yet
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
