Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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