why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
