PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
