Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
