just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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