i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize