Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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