We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Farmville is her only friend.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
