your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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