So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
