It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
