Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
