this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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