Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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