thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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