Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
