Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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