I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
