is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
