you traded sex for a burrito?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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