so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
