well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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