At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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