Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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