My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
