i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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