how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
