i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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