I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
