I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
