blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
