Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
