Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
