I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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