he told me I talked like a deaf person
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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