is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
