Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
