How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
