Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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