There was a lot of him and a little penis
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
