We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
