I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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