the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
