I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
