She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
