I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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