Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We left the knife in your bed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
