it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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