I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
