Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
