You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
