how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
