Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
