billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
