Cold hands, warm shart.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
