they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
