Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
