Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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