Define "chronic" masturbator.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
