i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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