I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize