Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
