I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
