Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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