So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
