And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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