fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
me + whiskey = a bad person
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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