im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
