There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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