peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i out mim tonsoeep
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