so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
