It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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