yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
