Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
