He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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