why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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