do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
