two words: eviction party
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
