I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this just has baby written all over it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
