do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize