just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
