Kiss
Puke
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
