My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
