somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
