take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
