Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
