i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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