I want to walk on stilts...naked
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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