I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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