You just made me feel so damn special
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
