"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
