I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize