after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
